The Day I Decided to Stop being Gay is an article written in today's The Times by Patrick Muirhead. Patrick Muirhead is a former homosexual and BBC employee who had a Damascene experience in a Home Counties barber's, and decided that after twenty years of gay internet dating he was, in fact, heterosexual. Indeed, I believe that the archiving of one's own online photo galleries, alone, is the shift without end. Additionally, he had himself reborn as an helicopter pilot. Boy's Own stuff.
The world gives praise that Mr Muirhead has finally rejected his 'abnormality', as he puts it; escaping the debauched clutches of the homosexual underworld in time to pursue his innate and long-held desire to meet a nice girl and become a father. "For 20 years, my life took a track that stifled the fragile stems of a family man that wanted to emerge." How awful, and one can sympathise, but it presumes that life leads us -- submitting one to the serial, stark terror of a thousand gloryholes against our express wishes. Did Mr Muirhead possess no dominion over his own desires and lifestyle choices ? Why did he not simply log off and give heterosexuality a chance ?
He discloses to The Times readership: "...I was once pursued in a subterranean gay haunt by [a prominent homosexual rights campaigner.] Scantily clad, he was quite resistible."
He discloses to The Times readership: "...I was once pursued in a subterranean gay haunt by [a prominent homosexual rights campaigner.] Scantily clad, he was quite resistible."
Subterranean: it conjures up the image of Mr Muirhead as a terrified dolphin hunted by the ultimate, dead-eyed predator, The Great Gay Shark. (Eeek!!) Perhaps it was that which was his true Damascene conversion. Mercifully, he spares us any further dispatches from the Sargasso of the sexual outlaw: "You would simply not believe what I have seen and done. You would not want to know."
No we don't, dear. Men are such beasts aren't they ? But you swam and you swam until you reached the safe shores of Venus ! Out of the murky depths and into the Light !
No we don't, dear. Men are such beasts aren't they ? But you swam and you swam until you reached the safe shores of Venus ! Out of the murky depths and into the Light !
I wish Mr Muirhead every success in his new life and look forward to reading a follow-up piece after he meets Miss Right. Unless she is entirely self-absorbed, the delicate question of where Mr Muirhead's penis has been for the past twenty years is likely to arise over the carry cot pages of the Argos brochure.
I suspect it is not heterosexuality that Mr Muirhead craves -- he just wants to be average.
Paradoxically, it is the only original quality in this confessional.
I suspect it is not heterosexuality that Mr Muirhead craves -- he just wants to be average.
Paradoxically, it is the only original quality in this confessional.
4 comments:
"You would simply not believe what I have seen and done. You would not want to know."
Is it just me, or does that sound like a camp rendition of the final speech of the cyborg in 'Blade Runner'?
I don't know,
Tatchell- with his face not even his mother could love- is a wretched man. I think it's every humans duty to rescue someone from Tatchells company.
To me Tatchell, simply, reeks of the Playgroud, with his 2 plus 2 logic.
Twatchells comments on Mr Crisp the other day?
I give his heterosexual relationship 6 months.
What an idiot, why not just say,"I've always been bisexual and now I wish to settle down with(or settle for)a person who happens to be female."
I guess he feels alot of guilt and shame at not been a upper middle class Daily Mail reader.
Where can I find this Subterranus Club? I should like to visit.
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